It's just going to happen again. I'm just going to push him away with my crazy clinginess and he's going to hate me.
Why do I do this to myself? Why do I do this, period? I hate myself.

I hate when Mikey's friends are assholes and he doesn't find anything wrong with it. Really, that's just fantastic.
I can't wait to spend the night with all of you, great. Douchebags.

Here's to Senior Banquet '09, let's see how fun it will be.

I'm pretty sure Dan Mangan said it best... we're too young to be dying.
Rest in peace, Melissa. It wasn't your time, and it wasn't fair.

Just be straight up with me. Don't beat around the bush. Don't try to twist words and change what you said. Don't pity invite me to anything. If you don't want me there, I don't have to be there. I'm tired. I'm tired of not being invited to things when I think I'm friends with people. I'm tired of finding out that I actually was invited to things and was just not informed. I'm tired of the awkward feelings I get hanging out with certain people. I'm tired of never seeing the people who I consider my best friends. I just feel like shit. And Michael is not helping.

I'm bored. I should go to sleep [because I'm sick AND have jury duty in the AM]. I don't want to, though. I'm watching Cake Boss. It's FABULOUS.

1) Three names you go by:

Krissy
Kristine
Kris

2) Three screen names you've had:
dancechick731
raymehnayday
honeydewcaribou

3) Three things you've done the last 33 minutes:
watched Cake Boss
made/drank tea
watched Cleo chase her tail

4) Three things you like about yourself:
my eyes
my sense of humor
my work ethic

5) Three parts of your origins:
German
Scottish
French

6) Three things you're afraid of:
being alone
watching people I love die
the disorder returning

7) Three things you're wearing right now:
Mikey's seahawks tee
old levi's
black cami

8) Three of your everyday essentials:
Mikey
water bottle
cell

9) Three of your favorite songs at present:
I don't think I could pick just three.

10) Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months:
running/jogging
having a happily ever after year
visiting Mikey at college

11) Three things you regret:
the disorder
boys
smoking

12) Three things you want in a relationship:
love
trust
humor

13) Two truths and a lie:
I want to marry Mikey
I know what I want out of life
I'm an aunt

14) Three physical things you like in the opposite sex:
dark eyes
hair that's long enough to yank
facial hair

15) Three emotional things you like in the opposite sex:
humility
humor
caring/lovingness

16) Three things you just can't do:
roll my tongue
whistle
spend long periods of time with my mom without fighting

17) Three things you miss from your past:
Sampson
Caz, and riding in general
the good relationship I used to have with my parents

18) Three gifts you'd like to receive:
the sims 3
a ring
a new puppy... but not yet

19) Three reasons why you are who you are:
the way my parents raised me
the people I am friends with
the relationships I've had

20) Three of your favorite hobbies:
horseback riding
watching the twins
reading

21) Three things you want to do really badly right now:
cuddle with Mikey
be healthy
go to the beach

22) Three careers you're considering:
education...
that's it
halfway there already

23) Three places you want to go for holiday:
anywhere warm
with a beach
and some sun

24) Three cartoon characters:
Doug Funnie
Mickey Mouse
Diego! [ohhh Noggin]

25) Three boy's names:
Michael
Henry
Lukas

26) Three girl's names
Elisabeth
Kayla
Julia

27) Three things you want to do before you die:
marry Mikey
have a family
be truly happy

28) Three childhood fears:
spiders
heights
I'm not discussing the biggest

29) Three things you love:
family
Mikey
friends

So today... I had to "SHOP"
Smile, Help, Offer, Please.
We had a whole little mini-orientation about it. Customers are the most important thing, then comes team members, and last is your task...

WHICH TECHNICALLY MEANS... I could not size my zone and then say that it's because I was busy helping customers and team members... and THERE YOU GO. JOB MADE EASY.

It was the fastest a day on the floor has ever gone for me, though. I made it a challenge to greet and help as many customers who came into my zone as I could. And some of them were so appreciative that it made it worthwhile. Know what else? When you're constantly helping customers, they're nicer to you and don't make such a mess of your zone. The managers were amazed at how clean I kept my zone on a busy day... but it was because I was SHOPping my brains out. I even told Devon that at one point... which lead her to pick up a walkie and say "We love Kristine! Because she is SHOPping her brains out!" It was silly. We also got quizzed sporadically throughout the day over the walkies. And then there was some sort of song/dance created to bust the Gap team up... Work is getting to be ridiculous. There are friends and fun times being made and had.

1 year
4 months
6 days

I've been thinking a lot lately. I think it's partially from all the hours I've been alone driving and partially from all the hours I've spent with two 3-month old babies who are incapable of understanding / talking back.

Why is it that people have no problem deleting me from their lives, but I'm incapable of doing the same to them? When friendships end, people haunt me until we become friends again. People have hurt me, really hurt me, and for some reason... I end up being friends with them, and things magically "go back to being normal." I don't understand. I don't want to be friends with certain people. I want nothing to do with them. Everyone keeps telling me I should have nothing to do with them. But then they're present. And I can't say "Fuck off."

Also, I've really enjoyed my summer so far. I have seen my friends more so far than I did all of last summer. I've become friendlier with some of Mikey's friends who I wasn't so close with before. I wish Mikey and I could be closer though. He doesn't tell me what's going on in his life and what he's up to... and I know boys hate to talk about their feelings, but after 2 years I think he should open up a bit.

I think that's about it. OH NO. WAIT. IT'S NOT. Today, mom and I talked about how much we miss Sam. It's a ridiculous amount. If you combined our missing, plus my dad's... something in the universe would explode. Mom mentioned how she wants another dog. Not really, but yeah. [you're probably thinking what?! and that is what I was thinking... but remember, it's my mom] She wants to be able to do things she did when we had Sam. I want the same thing... but we all know that no dog would ever compare to Sam. He wasn't a "normal" dog, he was probably the furthest thing from normal. He was a person trapped in a dog's body. He was my best friend. He was so well-trained... Mom doesn't have the patience to train another dog as well as she did Sam... she also said "If Stephie weren't having the baby, I'd get one." So...again, Stephanie ruins something. Mom will be too busy with Stephie's baby to worry about a puppy. It kills me.

Rest in peace, nose stud.
FUCK YOU, Banana.
Ugh.

If I hadn't had such a strong urge to vomit last night, I would've been laughing.
The new medicine makes me sick to my stomach.
On the way to the car dealership, my dad goes "You're sick to your stomach? Is it nerves?"
Then after we're home and I puke for the last time, my dad says "Well that's a not-so-fun way to lose weight, huh?"
Sometimes I wish I told my dad more, so he would see the humor when he said things.
But I don't think he'd look at me the same way anymore.

Today would've been Memere's birthday. She died the day before the anniversary of PopPop's death.

1) Still waiting for Daniella to post something!
2) Possibly getting the car tomorrow.
3) God, I am a bitch when I'm provoked... and
4) I am SO easily provoked.

Now I am crying. I miss him every day, and I hate when people say shit that sets me off thinking about him.
AND! I hate when peole talk about how my parents are buying me a new car like I'm a spoiled brat.

I am 20 and this is the first car I will ever have. I am getting the car because of my scholarship. And I earned that scholarship. I worked my ass off all through high school, ESPECIALLY senior year. Which means I earned the car. Which means you can go fuck yourself if you're going to talk shit about how spoiled I am.

I think I might have made Dean's List this semester? It will be my first, I'm excited.
I got an A in everything except Maple... and that's a B+, which is decent.
So... yippee=]

I am frantically checking LJ, waiting to see Daniella's update!

lol... in other news, I saw Katers! And the talent show was amazing! I have incredibly talented and confident friends.
"When people look right at me and talk loudly, it scares me."
Nikkidee... what?! I love you =]

Tomorrow, I have 2 dr appts.
I'm going to Dr Finnegan to talk about my inability to eat... well, anything. And about my other problem, because it's gotten serious enough that I should talk to someone about it.
And then I'm going to the orthopedist. So I can say "Hey! I graduated physical therapy!"

I'm getting a Toyota Matrix. Most likely '09. I am excited.

I test-drove a focus today. Monday, I'm test-driving a corolla. I'll decide after that. And then I'll spend the rest of my summer with my ass glued to the driver's seat of my very own car!

I got to see José for a little while today!

OH and PS, Mikey slept over last night! In my house. In my room. In my bed. And then my mom made us breakfast when we woke up.
It was fun having him sleep over in a bed that's actually big enough to fit two people without them being smushed or hanging off of the edge. Also, it was in my house... which means it's clean and not loud and disgusting. Which also means 1[4]0.

I did a lot on my first day of summer.
I got a job at BG Rec.
I went home for half an hour.
I picked Mikey up and brought him home for lunch.
I brought him back to school, stopped at DD to get a napkin [and a donut].
I left a cute note on Mikey's windshield.
I went home and called Banana.
I then sat around for two hours waiting for Jennifer to get in.
I called back and then went directly to Banana.
I now have two jobs.
Then I came home and sat like a vegetable til Mikey came over.
We hung out til he left to go practice.
José, Ellie and I were gonna go to Weir's.
That didn't happen til later...
Mikey came over again and brought tacos.
We ate them.
Then we watched DIRTY DANCING<3<3<3<3
Then we went to Weir's to meet Ellie. José couldn't come.
We magically met Ann and Allie and Kait there! and Ketchup!
We hung out til it closed, then a little longer.
( hung out )Then we went home.
IT WAS SUCH A FUN DAY. IN SPITE OF MY HEADACHE. I LOVE BEING HOME.
<3

I am home. With my Michael.
I didn't cry at all when I left.
It felt WONDERFUL.

I GRADUATED FROM PHYSICAL THERAPY!
Now my summer will be full of running, swimming, horseback riding, rollerblading, and bike riding! WHO'S EXCITED?!?!?

I was bored, so I stole this from Biddy. So much more productive than writing 8 strategies and 2 journal entries...

1. My ex... someone I keep in contact with, because he's a computer whiz and his assistance is free.

2. I should learn... how to get work done as soon as it's assigned.

3. I love... cuddling more than anything else in the world.

4. People would say that I am... a good listener.

5. I don't understand... most people I meet on campus.

6. When I wake up in the morning... I usually have a headache.

7. I lost... too many loved ones since I came to college.

8. Life is... a bitch, and then you die.

9. My past taught me... that life is short and precious, so we should make the most of what we have.

10. I get annoyed when... people tell me everything I worry about is "no big deal".

11. I wish....I didn't have to keep taking Linear Algebra tests.

12. My childhood pet.... died two months ago. Sambo, my best friend... Rest in peace.

13. Tomorrow is... a busy day: class, homework, physical therapy, homework, St Anne's, homework, sleep.

14. I have a low tolerance for... alcohol. marijuana. bullshit.

15. If I had a million dollars... I would buy you a car... a nice, reliable automobile! Uhm... I'd pay for college and grad school, then buy myself and my dad new cars, and then buy myself a horse, and then a house to live in with Michael. and the rest could go in the bank. and some would probably get donated to ACS.

16. I'm terrified of... being alone, even though I know he's always only a phone call away.

17. I've come to realize... that I really need to stop worrying and start breathing.

18. I am listening to...three fans, my typing, and my foot tapping. Oh, and cars driving by, blasting rap.

19. I talk... too much.

20. My best friend.... has been my best friend since we were babies [or... "bebehs"]. But Michael is an immediate #2.

21. I'll always be... wound a little too tight.

22. My cell phone is.... worth every penny, three cheers for qwerty keyboards.

23. Before I go to bed.... I brush my teeth, set my alarm, and call my mister.

24. My middle name... Nicole Thomas.

 

25. Right now, I am thinking... I hope there's a thunderstorm to fall asleep to.

26. Today I... got beeped at for being scantily clad!

27. Tomorrow I will be... in pain from physical therapy.

28. I really want to... be with my mister as often as possible.

29. My most treasured possessions are.... my family and friends.

30. My favorite pictures... are of my niece and nephew.

31. I sing... when I'm by myself.

32. Someday I want to travel to... Greece. Italy. A warm beachy island.

33. I am wearing... gym shorts and a cami.

34. My favorite language is... German.

35. It hurts... to know they're never coming back.

36. I'm going to miss....everyone I've lost.

37. My profile picture is... on FB, it's me with a horrible sunburn when the breeze is blowing. on 'space, it's me and Mikey looking ridiculous.

38. I need... my mister.